Memento Mori: A Dying Wish
by C.S Eve
Summary: A slow way of growing fond of someone, not really caring whether or not it would be a happy ending. The painful truth of reality lurking. (GHHQ Exchange weekend for aspire-8)


Memento Mori

 _TO:_ aspire _-8_

I walked along the long hallway of the hospital's seventh floor. Its difference from the other levels was quite clear. It was silent – unsettling. I was too used to the busy halls always bustling with nurses and patients.

I usually volunteer to sing to the children here, playing with them as a bonus. Today, however, I was asked to accompany and sing for the patients on the seventh floor. I wanted to question the sudden change, but they were all too busy due to the influx of patients from the lousy weather.

I adjusted the sling of my guitar once more before softly humming just to ease the tension I feel due to the suffocating silence. Shivering, I noticed I already had goosebumps on my arms.

"First up, room number 704." I watched the rooms 702 and 703 go by before arriving at my destination. There was only one name printed in neat blocks of kanji. "Yasuhara, Osamu."

I wonder why an image of an old man popped up inside my mind when I saw the name. Because, when I opened the door after knocking, all I could see was a young man with a too pale complexion. His eyes, slightly hidden by dark frames, were blank until he recognized that I wasn't a nurse nor a doctor.

It was like seeing an actor change his roles in just a mere second.

He looked positively different, with eyes focused and mouth upturned in a smile. "What did I do for someone to grace me with his presence?"

I opened my mouth to respond, only to hear him speak again.

"Shhh! Let me guess." He pushed his glasses up in a way that dramas do when someone's about to uncover something. He then gestured at the guitar on my back. "You are carrying a guitar, which means your purpose here has to do with it. Since we don't know each other, and you aren't supposed to have any business with me, I'm saying you're a volunteer. To be more precise, you are a volunteer who usually sings to the children below seeing how you are dressed in simple clothing in anticipation of any kiddie activities like playing and whatnots. Also, judging from the way you entered, all stiff and formal, this is your first time here on the seventh floor."

I exhaled loudly, rubbing my forehead in mock defeat. "Yeah, yeah. Spot on, young man."

He shifted from his position as he grinned. A sudden feeling of accomplishment bubbled inside my chest. Making someone smile and talk inside this lonely room may be much more worth than the initial trouble he felt. I returned the grin before comfortably sitting down on the chair beside the bed.

"Since I'm pretty sure you can't deduce my name…" I paused as the possibility came up. "Or can you?"

He smirked, his glasses glinting mischievously. "I can. You're Takigawa-san, right?"

My eyes widened in shock. And I almost fell off the chair if it wasn't for the cold hand that took hold of my shoulder.

He burst into laughter – pure genuine laughter that seemed a bit rusty which I could only attribute to being unused for so long. It was like small bells tinkling as the breeze came to visit, refreshing and heartwarming.

"I could see it on your guitar case! You seriously believed I could deduce something as complicated as a person's name?"

The afternoon continued with laughter and smiles.

I never knew if I even sang that time for all I could remember was talking and joking with each other. The young man, Yasuhara, somehow felt like a fresh breeze from the humid air of the city. It had been so long since I had someone whom I was comfortable with. Life, nowadays, was mostly made up of mere acquaintances that always kept too much distance from each other.

"See you again."

Instead of going to the hospital twice a week for just volunteer work, I opted to visit the young man every afternoon before leaving just after the sun had set. Surprisingly, I discovered that he had a great voice when he couldn't help but sing _The Sound of Silence_ along with me. Soon enough, I had him singing solo while I strum the strings of my guitar.

And as usual, he would never bid farewell. Instead, he'd say, "Come back soon!" or something along those lines.

Months already flew by, and each day I grew fonder of the young man. A fondness that slowly unfolded into something more. Even I didn't know what kind of _more_ it was. Until Yasuhara, being the sharp and intelligent young man that he was, deduced that one bright afternoon.

"I'm assuming you like having me as a company and is comfortable with my presence seeing how always come back even though nothing is holding you to do so."

I nodded, a bit startled and confused where the conversation started to go from favorite movies to such. Slowly, Yasuhara began to ask a series of confirmatory questions in which I nodded to every single one.

"Do you see me as someone unique? As someone whom you'll still be with, in the near future? As someone whom you feel deeply connected in a way that is more than friends and family? Do you feel an increase in various emotions when we're together?"

Finally getting where he was getting to, I smiled. I shifted from my seat and turned to watch the orange sky slowly turn golden. I opened my mouth and asked a question. "Then, If I assume you also agree to the questions you posed when applied to yourself; do you like me in a way that also transcends friends and family?" I sought for his hand, so pale and delicate against mine.

"Do you love me, Osamu?"

He looked at me with his dark grey eyes too full of emotion. The sunset was at its peak, bathing him with its golden light that he looked ethereal – out of reach. A small smile graced his lips before he spoke the words that I already knew tried so hard to accept. He responded to my question with another question.

"Are you willing to love a dying person, Houshou?"

Terminal Illness.

Patients on this particular floor were said to have no hope of being cured. They merely stayed inside their rooms, wasting away and waiting for the inevitable end. Rarely did friends and family visit them if they even had some left.

Yasuhara was left alone for almost two years already, seemingly forgotten after he was diagnosed. I would sometimes curse and wonder why his family gave up on such a smart and charming young man who surely would have had a bright future ahead of him. They couldn't even try to spend time with him, always busy with work.

I closed my eyes as I slowly exhaled all the worries that popped up inside my mind. Sure, this would hurt for a long while. His impending death was a constant reminder that his time is going to end too early that we could only hope he'd still be able to reach twenty. But, was it worth it?

"You're more than worth it. You deserve more than what I can give, but would that still be okay with you?"

Some say people look ugly when they cry, but I'd like to disagree. Because when I opened my eyes, all I could see were the clear tears falling down his face as his breath hitched. How beautifully they slid down his unguarded eyes, showing how deprived of love and affection his being was. Unknowingly, I reached out to hold him close in an embrace where he finally sobbed as more tears fell.

"Now, now." I slowly rested my cheek on the crown of his head as I soothingly patted his back. "You could always haunt me so that we'll still be together."

* * *

Couldn't have done this one without the help of PauleenAnne! Thank you so much!


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